The Rivalry of an Only Child

My nine-year old son is an only child. He will probably always be an only child. I, on the other hand, am the youngest of three girls. I have witnessed and been a participant in many a sibling scuffle. My son does not have to deal with the problem of sibling rivalry……or does he?


After getting a kid’s meal with a really cool toy inside.

Me: (grabbing the bag) I get the toy this time.
Austin: Mooommm, give it to meeeeeee.
Me: I paid for it.
Austin: So, it’s mine.
Me: I paid for it.
Austin: It doesn’t matter.
Me: Of course it matters.
Austin: It’s myyyyyy toy.
Me: But I want it.
Austin: IT’S MINE!!!
Me: If you don’t let me have it, I’ll tell all your friends that you still sleep with your stuffed monkey and suck your thumb at night.
Austin: No, I don’t.
Me: Who do you think they’re gonna believe? You or me?

I’m in my bedroom and hear screams coming from the kitchen.

Austin: Stupid dog! Stupid, idiot dog!
Me: What did he do?
Austin: He stole my corn dog.
Me: Oh, well.
Austin chases dog and tries to kick him
Me: Hey, hey, hey. Just get another one.
Austin: That was the last one. STUPID DOG!
Me: Well, be more careful with your food next time. Don’t leave it where the dog can get it.
Austin: You love him more than me. He storms out of the kitchen.

While eating at Taco Bell, he finds two sauce packets. The mild packet has “Thanks for rescuing me. Hot was getting on my nerves.” printed on it, and the hot packet has “Thanks for rescuing me. Mild was getting on my nerves” printed on it. He takes the sauce packets, and begins playing with them, and making them talk to one another.

Mild: I hate you!
Hot: Not as much as I hate you!
Mild: Would you just go away? I thought I got rid of you.
Hot: You will never get rid of me.
Mild: Shut UP!
Hot: You shut up.
Mild: I’m telling.
Hot: Who ya gonna tell, cry baby?
Mild: If you don’t shut up I’m going to smush your head into the burrito.
Hot: Just try it.

Yeah, I'm a little disturbed by that last example too.